The moment that I realized that I could actually CHOOSE what to believe and how to react was shortly after completing the Landmark Education Forum Class. I slowly began to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for my own experience of life and the affect that I was having on others.
It is incredible when you get the distinction of getting to "be right" by gathering evidence for your own agenda, or instead being open to another's way of seeing things. We all come at an issue with our own filters and past experiences, so the truth looks one way to one person and an entirely different way to another. And most of the time neither really have the full truth, just their interpretations using their experiences as the backdrop.
I still can't do it immediately after being triggered and in an emotional state, but, with a little time, I can distinguish that someones words or actions were just harmless and the meaning I was giving to those words is what was painful.
It is easier to start with a Witness to help you with this. They are like training wheels until you are able to do this alone. Discuss out loud what someone said to you, and then what you translated that to mean. And keep a sense of humor, don't beat yourself up, we all do it!
So next time you feel angry, fearful or hurt, try to put yourself in their shoes and think of a positive and good reason why they could have said that to you!