Wherever You Go : There You Are!

There is a fantastic book for understanding meditation called "Wherever you go there you are!" - you can buy it here.

I only started meditating regularly about a year ago.  The results of this mostly daily practice have been astounding.  I have now included in my program: "Tenacity + Generosity = Success" too.  

At first I was very confused about the reasons for meditating.  Why was I just sitting there for 20 minutes not talking with my eyes closed in a weird position?  But as the days went by and I became more and more conscious I realized the power of meditation.

Becoming the observer of your thoughts, instead of being all encompassed by them is a powerful tool.  If you feel completely attached to every opinion that passes through life can be very painful.  This emotion can drastically effect how you eat, spend money and a whole host of other "running away from your pain" responses.  After all, if you are feeling fear or regret and you can notice it and release it, versus going and having drinks, eating cake, smoking pot or buying new clothes, then you aren't being driven by your ego.

For me, I learned that being indulgent and generous with treating myself is notably different from having to have something to sooth myself.  And in the daytime when aggravating things happen, I quickly resume to happiness without the use of exterior crutches.

It's been truly amazing to slowly get more intentional about my habits and their effects on my general happiness in the long term instead of just a temporary fix!

Meditating daily is a vital part of my state of bliss.  Thank you so very much Grace Quantock for leading me to it!  If you would like to lead a more blissful life too, please book an appointment with Grace here.

And remember to make every day SWEET as you can truly choose!

Now is the Time to Re-commit to Giving!

Give First.  Give Second.  Give Again.

Open your heart and arms to be generous.  Giving feels good.  Showing love and kindness will also improve your happiness too.

I know - we have all been hurt by someone that we gave to.  It may have made us contract a little, but it's time to expand again!  By being stingy ultimately we are hurting only ourselves.

It's time to forgive those people for taking advantage of you.  They did the best that they could in that moment.  It's time to remember how wonderful it feels to allow giving actions, words and thoughts to flow through us.  It's time to return to your state of connection to all people on earth. 

Whatever it takes - do it now.  We have the power to step outside our comfort zone and be extraordinarily sweet to those around us.

Love deeply.  Smile wildly.  Give freely. 

Thank you for staying open and generous with your love!

A little reminder: Be KIND to YOURSELF!

Do you know that how you speak to yourself is just as important as how you treat others?

In your mind are you:

- beating yourself up?

- judging yourself?

- lying to yourself?

If you can replace the negative thought patterns with compassion and forgiveness you happiness level will increase dramatically!

Take some time to notice your self chatter throughout the day.  What are the filters that you are relating through?  Can you shift out and say an "I AM" statement instead?  Something like:

- I AM happy

- I AM doing the best that I can

- I AM accepting

You are the conductor of your own brain - choose wisely!

Generosity in the Community

My team of lovely volunteers and I just got through with handing out thousands of CHOCbites to the homeless of downtown L.A. In my 2nd annual SWEET day L.A. Event

It was a very rewarding indeed.  Connecting with the fellow members of our community in a sweet way!

But being a contribution to you community doesn't have to be a big charitable commitment.  In fact the small daily activities are much more impact full when combined! 

Slow down and allow a car to squeeze in front of you.  This simple act of generosity can make someone's day!  Write a note of thanks on the waiters receipt.  Compliment a stranger on their clothing choices.  Put a quarter in an expired meter as you walk by.  

There are millions of ways to be a delicious contribution to your community that don't involve hours of dedication.  Just make a daily effort to be unconditionally kind.  For no reason at all.  Other than the fact that they are a piece of you too.

Spreading sweetness all day will also make you feel good too!!!

It's your life: OWN it!

It's my life, it's my journey, it's my decision - why not choose happy?  

I have been outsourcing my state of being to other "experts" for years. Coaching programs for personal development, skinny friends on health, married friends on relationships, yogis on spiritual health and of course Google for everything else.  Basically, anything to avoid taking personal responsibility for my happiness!

You see, when I am reading someone else's book, or asking my friends for advice, it can augment my decision making process, but the final truth resides inside of me.  Looking outside for others to save me is just a temporary and unsuitable fix.  It is a form of avoidance that can be extremely dangerous to feeling good.  After all, who knows me better than I do?

And there is another issue with not being in touch with or trusting my own intuition, wisdom and knowledge, that is, losing confidence and pride in my own abilities!  This is the worse part of it.  Feeling powerless in my own life is destructive and depressing!  Feeling like I need someone else to solve my problems is a terrible feeling.  

I tend to lean to others for decisions when I am in fear.  And if I am feeling scared, then I am clearly attached to the outcome of my decisions, instead of being steadfast in enjoying the journey of life.  Fear is a clue that I am out of alignment with being present and committed.  If I am feeling a sense of weakness in my decisions, then I need to get centered and notice why!

I love this mantra, "I am willing and capable of caring for myself spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially!"

Tennis is a game. And so is LIFE!

Life can be a fun game - if you allow it to be.  And yes, sometimes you lose and sometimes you win!  The key is how you process and enjoy it!

I often use the tennis court as an opportunity to grow as a woman - after all it is a mini version of life!  All of the experiences that I have and my responses are concentrated and condensed scenes that also happen off the court! 

As an example, recently I played an mixed doubles tournament (this is where there is one man and one woman on each side).  Our opponents were very good doubles players.  The man had hard and deep groundstrokes and the lady basically didn't miss!  She could return my partners serve without a problem - often doing a perfect lob over my head!

I missed a few shots and my partner missed a few shots too- it was a tough match!  After losing the first set I asked to switch playing sides with my partner.  He said no.  I asked if I could stay back in order to be able to play those lobs better - he declined again.  He didn't want to change one thing about our strategy he just kept saying "hit your shots".

Well - of course at this point I realized that I am never playing with this guy again.  He was completely inflexible and stuck in his ways.  He had no consideration for making me feel safe and confident on the court so that I could play better.  He was more focused on sighing and rolling his eyes when I missed a shot.

But this was not the lesson.  The lesson was how I responded to him.  I had choices on the court with my behavior.  I am responsible for my actions!  Here are a few options that I could do in this moment:

- stay focused on the game and do my best while complying to my partners request

- ignore his needs and do what I thought was right

- be all buddy buddy with the opponents to upset my partner

- be rude to my partner

- purposely make mistakes to lose faster

- sigh and roll my eyes when he hit into the net

There is no right or wrong answer per se - but there is cause and effect.  Other than the first one - the rest are going to aggravate my partner further  which will have him play worse.  So - for my best interest and for my own self respect - I went ahead and complied and we completed the match.

We lost in a third set tiebreaker when my partner double faulted and then gave up on an "easy" lob shot (which is what he called them yet he missed many of them too).

I was glad that they won when my partner defaulted the next match because of his disappointment in the loss - he was a very bad sportsman.

Sure my feelings were hurt when he was attributing the loss to my bad playing - however hurt feelings are not an excuse to hurt others.  I do not agree with the "eye for an eye" theory.  In fact - the more hurt that you feel - the greater the opportunity to be sweet anyway.  If someone is being unkind to me - they must have a terrible life and really need the most sympathy and kindness of all.

The moral of the story is not to make sure you pick the best partner to play with - it's knowing how to respond in an appropriate fashion when your match is in jeopardy.  Not too long ago I would have dumped the match to punish my partner back for being blaming.  This is huge progress for me to be able to truly focus and play the best I could in this situation.

And these moments of small incremental self awareness and growth are the things that make you have deeper understanding and self love!  And self love is the seed of loving others!

So, don't judge yourself by how you behave on the court when you win, look at the times when you lose and that is your entry to correcting, learning and growing.  Wisdom is born from pivoting while being kind to yourself for the past.  

Think before you speak!

I am sure that you have heard this old adage, "Think BEFORE you SPEAK!"  Great advice right?  Wait!  But think WHAT?

Just think and then speak?  Well no.

Before you part your lips, remember this, you can never take back what you say.  You say it, and it's out, like chocolate sprinkles poured out from a tub onto the counter, no amount of hard work could undo all of the spill.

So, before you speak, perhaps consider:

• Is what you are saying to hurt another?
• Are you gossiping?
• Will your words add value or be a contribution?
• Are you talking to manipulate a situation?
• Are you just trying to prove that you are right?
• Will your sentence improve upon the silence?
• Are you sure that you want to say that?
• Do you really mean it?
• If it was printed on the first page of the newspaper as a quote would you stand behind it?  Be proud of it?

Remember, that what you say not only affects the people around you, but when you are home at night, just before you sleep, you will know if you were sweet today!!!!

Maybe you don't have all the information?

Have you ever been behind a car and getting impatient, maybe even honking at them, and then been embarrassed because there was someone crossing in front of them that you didn't see?

Or have you ever quickly judged the behavior of a stranger as rude, not knowing that actually they were aloof because of a life circumstance that had them in deep grieving?

Have you argued with a friend not realizing that they were doing something for you out of love and concern?
How about before jumping to conclusions, or getting angry, or disappointed, you have an open mind and try to see from another's point of view?  Maybe even making a preposterous story that would excuse the annoying behavior?

Recently I played singles against a Woman who - after losing 6-1 6-2 against me - made some very rude comments.  I had options:

1.  I could attack her back (this used to be my favorite option)

2.  I could just ignore her but tell everyone about it later (gossiping)

3.  I could ask her why she is speaking to me like that (and get bullied some more)

4.  Or - and this takes work - I could really feel immense love for her - not sympathy but empathy!

In order to be able to stay centered and kind to a bully, I have to go deep and realize that what she is saying to me is not true and I am loved.  And then-

1.  I move into extreme empathy by trying to imagine that these actions right now are not how she really feels about me, but a reflection of how she actually feels about herself.

2.  I forgive myself for the times that I have maybe behaved in the same way. 

3.  I look for the gift in the situation - what can I learn from this exchange?

4.  I release the negative energy by sending love her way.

This practice used to take weeks, and then days, and now it can just minutes!  When I release judgment on how others "should" treat me - and focus on being the best Woman that I can be - life is so much happier.  And for me, being a good human involves:

1.  Loving all parts of myself deeply.

2.  Surrender and allow where possible.

3.  Do what I need to do for success and happiness.

4.  Be kind and gentle with myself and others.

5.  Use experiences to expand and open further!

6.  Be generous with my empathy, time, love and knowledge.

Cheers to self love and loving all other beings too!

Who crowned me?

Why is this blog called Queen Adeline?  Am I just pompous?  Or feel above my fellow human?

No.  On September 15th, 2013 I turned 40 years old, and on that day I crowned myself Queen Adeline and bought this beautiful ring for myself.

I realized for the first time in my life, that I am whole and complete!  I didn't need another person to "complete me".  I was not half of a circle looking for my other half.  Nor was I Yin looking for Yang! 

I am both Masculine and Feminine.

In that moment I had an awakened moment.  I accepted all that had happened and surrendered to what was coming.  I was able to be present and curious.  I was accepting and allowing. 

My birthday party was incredible!  130+ friends on the rooftop if Beverly Hills with perfect weather and my favorite live singer Laila at the mic.  But much much deeper than the pretty dresses and honoring evening - I made the determination that not only am I completely responsible for myself, but I am also 100% capable of handling my life.

That fear was not real.  That regret was destructive.  That there was no controlling or predicting life.  That all that happened was always perfect.

So I crowned myself - because this life and my experience of it is my domain, my kingdom.  Only I rule how I feel.

So there a new connection was formed between the physical and human Adeline (ego) and the formless soul - Queen Adeline (egoless).  And I love them both deeply.  But the Queen rules this kingdom.

Generosity to Improve Mental Attitude

Every morning when I get up I brush my teeth and look in the mirror.  I often have inspirational statements that I have written on there but in addition to reading them I also look at my face in the mirror. 

This is what I see:

In that moment - I get to choose how I feel about my looks.  It is not definitive it is completely subjective.  I set the context of my interpretations of my face and my mind follows those.

A negative context may sound like, "Oh!  Look at those lines around my eyes and my lips!  I have sun spots!  My teeth are yellow!  I look old and tired!"  And then I will study my face to gather evidence to prove myself right.  I will use these negative filters to translate my experience into a depressing nature and what an awful way to start the day!

What, instead, I choose to do is to focus on the positive attributes of my face.  "Oh look at my pretty big brown eyes!  My soft skin!  My vibrant smile!  My beautiful dark hair!  I am so lucky to be alive and be able to see this morning!"  These affirmations set the stage for the rest of the day.  I stand a little taller and laugh a little deeper.

Being happy and joyful is a practice - not an accident.  You have 100% power and responsibility for your daily life and pleasure.

You are the director of your own life experience.  If you want a positive, exciting and fun life, and you can't figure out how to do it, contact me for more information on my coaching practice.

Together we design your life and once those intentions are set, with my guidance, you stay accountable for the actions to take and the kindness and softness to receive to keep you enjoying the journey with a feeling of surrender and not attachment to the results.

Today, try to look at the good that exists around you.  

Smell a beautiful flower.  

Devour a sweet CHOCbite.  

Revel at the warmth and beauty of the sun.  

Touch a soft fabric.  

Listen to a song that lifts your mood.

Because if you are breathing - then you are already very lucky!