Why is she being "Mean" to me????

There is a Woman in my life that seems to spend most of our time together criticizing me.  She says things like, "Why are your eyebrows so thin, they look terrible." Or, "Your tummy is sticking out, you look fat."  Or back handed comments like, "Oh, really, you know how to cook?  I didn't know that!"

I took these comments really badly.  So I decided to take action.  My first attempt was not so successful.  I would respond back to her with mean comments too!  Things like, "Well your eyebrows aren't all that sexy either!"  Or, "Your stomach sticks out MORE than mine!"  Or, "When was the last time that YOU cooked?"  I was punishing her for hurting me.  Trying to pay her back.  What ended up happening was that I just felt bad about myself for being cruel.

My next attempt at resolving this was nice, clean, easy avoidance!  I just stopped spending time with her.  Not to punish her, just to protect myself. That didn't feel good.  Because along with her bad points, she also had loads of good qualities.  If I didn't see her, I didn't get to experience those either.

My third attempt was to just sit there and take it.  Be a victim!  Oh, poor me! I even talked to other people about her words and gathered a team to agree with me!  "Wow, I am SO sorry that she is doing that to you!"  But you know what?  That didn't make me feel better either.

What was the answer here?  How could I solve this?  There was no way to stop her from saying what she was going to say!

And then it came to me.  She loves me, I know that with certainty.  Why then would she be so unkind in her words?  I put myself in her shoes.  I looked at me through HER eyes and filters.  What was going on inside her mind?

Can you believe that out of her deep love and concern for me she was treating me this way?  This is an elderly lady, who left school and married at 15 years old.  She never had a job or supported herself.  Her only source of "freedom" was the pocket money that her husband gave her.  She had no ability to take care of herself financially.

In her mind, she was equating my single unmarried status to my eyebrows, weight and lack of cooking skills (I am a GREAT cook but she hasn't experienced that).  In her eyes, if I only lost a few pound then maybe someone would love me enough to pay for me so that I would not "struggle". With her filter - I must be sad, lonely and scared because I don't have a man to take care of me!

Do you see how sweet that is?  That she wasn't being nasty to me?  On the contrary, she was trying to encourage me to have security, happiness and success!

And now that I have this information, I get to be responsible for her concern by reminding her that I have been earning my own money since I was 18 years old!  That I can financially take care of myself!  That I have a full, fun and free life!  That things aren't the way that they used to be! 

I also tell her that I am not opposed to meeting a lovely man to marry, it just hasn't happened yet! 

But most of all, I can be with her in a loving and empathetic way, validating her concerns, after all, she has never experienced life in the way that I have!

So, next time someone does something that just irritates you, annoys you or confuses you, go really deep and try to stand on their perch and see why they can't help but see it their way!  And then love them, love them and love them.

T + G = S Daily Worksheets

If you complete your tenacious actions with attachment to outcome efforts - your emotional pendulum will swing either to resignation or disappointment. 

A level of deep trust in the way life is turning out is important for peace.  Attempting to force people and results versus allowing is recipe for disaster.

"As I let go of the need to arrange my life, the Universe brings abundant good to me." Deepak Chopra

Use the daily worksheets to:

- Plan your day with appointments

- Do your morning journal

- Pick your tenacious actions

- Choose your own generous rewards

- Set up the context for the day

- Use the journal box for your allowing thoughts to flow out

Once you have completed this in the morning - focus on staying present and avoid trying to overpower people or life.

At the end of the day:

- Write the 10 things that you are grateful for

- The 7 things that you contributed to others

These lists remind you to stay in service and deep gratitude for blessings that are already on your life.

Choose every day to have a successful and happy day!

A Noisy World.

I found myself listening to and reading everyone else's opinions.  Between tweets, Facebook, e-mails, internet marketing commercials, family, well meaning friends and biographies!  I really became deaf to my own inner voice.  My attention was scattered outward instead of a laser beam inward.

And then my coach advised me to have daily quiet time.  She said - at least 15 minutes.  And the more I meditated - the more I loved it.  My mind jumps around - sure - but the long term effect is a true grounding and connection to my own inner self.  Now, I normally relax and breath for 30+ minutes!

This is a spiritual act of generosity.  To recharge your batteries it is imperative to hear from the inside what you need.

I have learned that I have a great need to bring joy and happiness to people's lives.  This shows up in many ways!

- I do selfie off key songs  (I am a little tone deaf unfortunately) and post them on Facebook for my friends to laugh

- I make dating connections (yes there have been marriages from these!)

- I introduce business relationships ($$$$ made)

- I home cook meals for friends (memories made)

- I write hand written letters and cards and mail them (boy do I get great feedback from these, people love receiving notes!)

- I share my wisdom, knowledge and thoughts freely (to those who ask!)

- I sing to the sweet creations that you design on my online gourmet chocolate company CHOCbite (over 800,000,000 combinations available!)

And many other things!

Go inside, listen to what you hear, and then take actions towards that.  But most of all - thoroughly enjoy the journey and don't concern yourself with the destination.  Pay attention to the moment and appreciate it!  Because this is it!  This is LIFE!

Make it a SWEET day!

Generosity with your Friends

Every morning I have a blessing that I read to get me present to my abundant life.  That keeps me in gratitude.  That allows me to be committed to my intentions but surrender to the outcomes.  It is a beautiful way to begin the day.

There is a line in it which says:

"I am a good friend, bringing out the highest and best in those whom I have the honor of loving!"

One of the ways that I am able to be connected intimately and deeply with my friends is to practice deep understanding of their point of view versus immediately shoving my point of view in their space.

If I don't like something that they are doing, or am confused about their course of action, I simply ask more questions so that I can have empathy and closeness instead of judgement and mistrust.

A simple example of this is a girl friend of mine came over to my home for lunch and as I was washing the dishes she noticed me placing the knives in with the handle down, leaving the sharp side exposed and from a space of concern for my well being she requested that I turn them around.

You see, she has two kids, and she has gotten in the habit of protection from harm.  And me, I was coming from a place of protecting the sharpness of the tips of my knives.  I have never poked myself in the decades of doing this so it never occured to me as a dangerous practice.  And clearly the protection of her children is far more important than the sharpness of the utencil!  

The lesson here is that neither of us are wrong.  There are no children in my home so I had never needed to change the way I was drying my knives - but through being able to put myself in her shoes and see as she does - we didn't end up having a mis-understanding.

Remember that your friends are truly a gift - they are your chosen family, treat them well!

Preparation preparation preparation.........and then execution!

Tenacity in the areas of Health and Fitness looks like this:

• Get present to what foods work well with your body

• Find an enjoyable sport or exercise

• Schedule your workouts on the calendar

• Plan your grocery and cook times

• Stay away from bad triggers (this means certain people too)

• Have an accountability partner

• Make sure never to be hungry!

I knew that after my tennis match I would be very hungry.  I also knew that when I am hungry, I will lose focus on the long term and satiate my current appetite without too much thought.

So the solution was:

Yes, I took a couple of hard boiled eggs, some cucumber and freshly cut tomatoes to the match so that I could snack immediately afterwards.  And that held me over until I reached home and could cook a healthy meal or prepare a salad.

If you have set an intention to get fitter, lose weight or just feel better, I have an experience that will most certainly help you reach your goals!  Stay tuned!

The Cockroach Analogy

Fear is a terrifying thing.  And it's not necessarily rational.  For example - take the old Cockroach.  I know that this insect can not hurt me.  That I can crush it with one stomp of a foot.  That I am much bigger, faster and smarter than it.  However, I am terrified of cockroaches.  I know, it doesn't make any sense, but there it is.

Last time one was in my home I actually went to my neighbors and asked if she could help.  Then the two of us went to another neighbor and he was brave enough to take care of the situation for me.

Yes, this powerful and brave woman can be brought to her knees by a small insect.

Life fears can be the same too.  Bring us to a complete paralytic halt.  And sometimes unconsciously.  Fears such as:

• Being used
• Getting hurt
• Losing
• Being abandoned

These often unnoticed fears are running decisions that we make on a daily basis.  

I recommend free form writing and meditating as ways to access areas of your brain to uncover thoughts that are lurking behind the surface of flight or flight!

Your knowledge is NOT yours - it's ours

Knowledge is POWER!  Knowledge is MONEY!  Knowledge is GOLD!

We are all connected to each other.  I am a piece of you and you of me.  My friend and Founder of Nutburgers, Carla Lee Johnson says it, "WE are each a fractal Creator of one irreducibly inner connected whole. WE are here, in this now, to contribute to one another by bringing our highest gifts and service to this reality to co-create our new epic love story about us!" 

So if this is true - which I believe it is - then your wisdom is not yours alone. Everything that you know belongs to the collective.

Be generous with what you know, what you see and what you can contribute. You may feel like you should be paid for every ounce of knowledge in your head - how will that make you feel in the end?  

Don't be stingy.  There are times when you have to be paid for your expertise, but there are also times when you can give a hand to a friend, a loved one or event a stranger.  Don't make everyone pay or work for your assistance.

The most successful entrepreneurs, employees and coaches that I know are very free with time, knowledge and connections.  They don't hoard.  They put it all out there.

Listen to your intuition about who to share freely with and who not to. What judgments are you having that are stopping you?  Then forgive yourself and make a new choice next time.

If you are truly doing what you love in life - you would do it for free.

Here are some great books that I recommend:

Heidi Shelton, Color Your Life With Love

Colin Tipping, Radical Forgiveness

Erika Lyremark, Think Like A Stripper

Dr. Wansink, Mindless Eating

Howard Falco, I AM

And an awesome movie by Carla Lee:

The Truth Movie, The Journey Within

Most of all - remember this:

I LOVE YOU!

Have a sweet day!

Own your intentions

Beliefs.  We are supremely powerful, we gather evidence (successfully) to confirm all of our beliefs.  So - how about we choose to believe that we are lucky, abundant, healthy and happy?  And gather and behave as if that was true.  

(this is my happiness drink)

If you wake up in the morning and write on a piece of paper:

- I AM LUCKY

- I AM ABUNDANT

- I AM HEALTHY

- I AM HAPPY 

And then, as you go about your day, these words are resonating with your consciousness and will actively attach to your experience of life.

Don't allow the void in your mind in the morning to be filled with negative thoughts or fears.  Fill that space with positive reinforcement that sets the tone for the day - the way you want it.

Be responsible for a successful day today!

You have the option

To make your life fun.

To have a happy day.

To be healthy.

To attain great wealth.

Yes - you can choose all of these.  It starts with an intention.  That is the first step.  You have to really connect with your desire.  Start the day with a positive context:

My life is FUN

I am going to have a HAPPY day today.

I am HEALTHY.

I am WEALTHY.

And then comes the second step - put the actions into place that back up your intentions.  These would be mine:

For fun - Organize a tennis match or go to a comedy club tonight.

For a happy day - Play music that I love while I am working.  Tidy my home up.

For Healthy - Eat lean proteins, nuts, a little fruit and vegetables only today.  Do some high intensity exercise. 

For Wealthy - Write my book for an hour today.  Make the three www.ARTSYer.com bowls that were ordered.

They are ARTSY and Environmentally Responsible

They are UP-cycled Glass Shower Doors

Fused in a Kiln into a Beautiful Work of Art

And then what?  Well, I must then REWARD myself for taking the above actions - so that I am not attached to the outcome of them.  I do them, because I know it is the right thing to do in the long run.  But it is possible that it takes time for the actions to result in fun, happiness, health and wealth.  After all - one day of good eating and exercise won't make hardly any difference to the well being of my body today.

So, what will I do today to be generous to myself for being tenacious?

- Spend an hour on the beach
- Read more of my book
- Have tea with a friend

So - no matter what external results occur or don't, I have control over my life and will create the internal happiness and pride that keeps me feeling successful no matter what! 

Be Goal Orientated Without Attachment To Winning.

I love cars.  My Dad loves cars.  I love to drive them.  Look at them.  Listen to the engine purr.  I even like the smell of gas!  So - you will often see me turn my head when a luxury car drives by.

But cars don't rule me.  I look forward to owning different luxury cars, and take the actions needed to make money to buy a lovely car, however if it doesn't happen as fast as I want - or ever - I don't get derailed. 

Sure this is my dream:

I set my intention.  I determine the actions needed.  Then I reward myself for taking those actions (and therefore don't have to get the exact result that I intended).  This creates bliss.  Because after all - the journey is the main pleasure - the attainment is just the cream on top of the pie!

Love THYself (first)

In order to be able to have successful relationships and be able to "give back" to your loved ones and community - the first order of business is falling completely in love with yourself!

There have been times in my life when I have been out with a group of very attractive female friends, having fun out in the world, and a handsome single man approached our group to say hello.  On more than one occasion I have been "chosen" out of the pack - even though I wasn't the slimmest or best looking.  And it wasn't because of my charming and witty personality either - as he was still a complete stranger - after all we had not talked yet.

So what was it?

SELF CONFIDENCE.

Yes, self confidence is SEXY.  When you absolutely love and accept yourself your eyes shine with happiness.  Your smile is real.  You glow.  You walk with a spring in your step.  Your hips sway.  

And all of this energy emanates out to other people.  They feel ALIVE around you.  Charged.  Energized. 

If you are turned on, people around you feel it.  Even on the phone.  Or through e-mail.  Or Skype.  It turns them on too.

Be ready.  I am launching the CHOCbite Experience - the sweetest way to treat yourself. You don't need to wait for happiness and excitement.  It is already here.  I will help you access it.   

A 30 day program that helps you fall back in love with yourself.  The way that you are - right now.  And then, and only then, will the world love you too.  

It's time to get connected to your soul.  That is when "luck" happens.  Abundance comes from.  Health lives.  It's time.  Your time.

Time for some Tenacity!

These are the stairs to my home.  

Just ordinary slate stairs.  They remain the same height.  There is no difference in their quantity.  Yet the way I choose to climb them can hugely impact the result.

If I dawdle up slowly - my heart rate stays calm, my muscles relaxed and my attention is loose.

However - if I choose to run up them as quickly as possible, to push myself, then my blood gets pumping, my body strengthens and I have laser beam focus until I get to the top.

The point is that life is the way it is - but how you choose to tackle it is directing correlated with you end experience.

If every day I just stroll up the stairs my body and fitness level will be extremely different than if I jog up them every night!

Even though the stairs themselves never shifted - my strength most definitely would.

The discipline to do what you know will make a difference in your life over and over again is what separates ordinary people from the extra-ordinary!

How can you increase your success tomorrow with the implementation of a new refreshed tenacious action?