Mental Attitude: Tenacity

I know several people who constantly complain about traffic in Los Angeles. They are often late for appointments and frazzled.  I don't experience driving like that at all.  Firstly, I love driving.  I put great music on.  My back is warm from my seat heaters.  I love watching other people in their cars or the beautiful Southern California view.  I love my car.

(This is me but this is NOT my car........YET)

If you are one of those people who hates driving slowly - here are some tenacious tips to keep you sane and positive:

1.  Can you change your driving pattern?  Maybe work from home?  Or arrange with your employer to have different hours that work around the peak times?  

2.  If that is not possible, how about learning to have a positive attitude during your commute?  What can you do to enjoy it?  Perhaps listen to a "book on tape", or good music, or sing?

3.  Are you able to schedule (hands free) calls during that time?  Either work calls so that you are being efficient with your time, or calls to loved ones? That will keep your mind off of the commute.

4.  Another option is having silence in the car and planning something in your mind for the future.  Maybe a fun trip?  Something to do with your hobby?  Or even something generous you will do for someone once arriving at your destination.

There are many ways to be causative about your happiness.  You can choose to find actions that keep you smiling. 

What do you do in traffic to keep a positive mental attitude? 

Peace : Spirituality

I am not the author of this, however, it is very worthy of sharing.  

On this Thanksgiving Day 2013: I am grateful for inner Peace.

The Symptoms of Inner Peace, by  Saskia Davis ©1984

A tendency to think and act  spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

A loss of interest in judging other people

A loss of interest in judging self

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of   others

A loss of interest in conflict

A loss of  ability to worry 

                                                          

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

Contented feelings of connectedness 

with others  & nature

Frequent attacks of smiling  

An increasing tendency to let things 

happen rather  than  make them happen

An increased susceptibility to love extended  by others  and  the uncontrollable urge to  extend it

(more from Saskia at symptomsofinnerpeace.net )

Make sure to make it a SWEET day!!

Career : Generosity

In what ways can you re-energize yourself in your career to help you stay tenacious and action orientated towards your goals?

Here are three ways that I did this recently:

1.  I nominated a colleague for an award.  It took time to write the reasons why she should win, and influence other peers to also write their reasons and submit them, but the result was that she won and it brought great joy to her life which in turn made me feel wonderful!

2.  Taking tasty snacks to a meeting unexpectedly.  I have taken pastries, fruit, +CHOCbite or yogurt, and it is amazing how this delights!

3.  How about a handwritten thank you note?  Did someone assist you on a project?  Did they listen when you needed an ear?  Did they advise you?  People sincerely appreciated a little love - and it only takes a couple of minutes to do!

Being generous to others at work actually ends up serving you!  

You can also do things like make sure to take an afternoon 15 minute break, prepare a nice cup of tea and go outside with some music on to enjoy nature.

Whatever you do, make it a discipline to be generous in your career life too - it's not all about work.

What is Success?

Happiness and success are synonymous.  Achieving by overcoming adversity is uplifting and instills a deep internal sense of pride that nothing else compares to.  Mistakes are where the lessons are learned.  I welcome failing, because it is in those very moments that my brilliant mind goes searching for a new strategy, a new idea, a new way.  When I navigate through a problem, and win, that is when I truly feel accomplished.  

An easy way to describe this is through tennis.  I started playing at 35 years old and I sucked.  Seriously, those who know me that being humble is not one of my qualities, I really could not hit the ball into the court at all! In fact I used to go home after a couple hours of doubles and cry in the bathtub from frustration!  However, I persevered, I got mad, I cried more, I wanted to quit, but I didn't.  I kept getting back on the court.  Over and over again.  I got better, and better, and started winning.

Even though winning is fun, it is not where you learn the valuable lessons.  When I win a match I walk off satisfied that I won, but it is short lived.  What builds character, talent and self respect is losing and getting back on the court to play again.  Learning from your mistakes.  Taking control of your life and being causative in your success.  

What creates success is simple (not easy);

1.  Defining a challenging goal

2.  Taking the actions to attain it

3.  Rewarding yourself for taking the actions

It is imperative that the attaining of the goal is not the reward.  There will always be a better tennis player than me and if I hang my happiness on winning matches, tournaments and awards, I will spend my life feeling disappointed.  However if I reward myself for practicing, keeping my body healthy and fit to play, then I will always be happy.  The winning will just be an extra bonus!

If fear wasn't a driver, what goal would you chase?  What tenacious actions would you have to take?  What generous gifts would you give yourself for being disciplined?

Can gratitude make you happy?

I am speaking from my personal experience.  In my daily Tenacity + Generosity = Success worksheet, I added 10 boxes for logging my daily gratitude.  I have noticed that taking time to appreciate the little and big things in your life elevates your mood!

I write the list in the evening, then go to sleep with a smile on my face, feel rested and wake up with energy! 

It is most amazing, that yesterday, after brewing a pot of tea, I sat with it in absolute gratitude for the aroma, flavor and moment of silence to enjoy my special blend.

What ends up happening is that because you know that you will be writing your list in the evening, you actually start logging things that you are grateful for throughout the day and you notice how truly blessed you are!

Why not gather evidence for your amazing life?  You have limited capacity in your brain, use it wisely.

Friends + Family : Generosity

How do we apply generosity in our relationships? 

Not through forgiveness.  Or acceptance.  But finding a way to LOVE (even if you are disappointed, hurt, angry, fearful, tired, disrespected, pained).

Two days ago I was having a heated text conversation with a friend (always bad to text in those situations).  She was getting angry and I was getting frustrated too.  She didn't feel heard.  She felt like I didn't care about her predicament.  I felt she let me down.  That she wasn't willing to compromise.  It was as if we were speaking two different languages.  I wasn't understanding her pain and she wasn't feeling my fear.

Just as I was about to blow my top and call her and give her a piece of my mind - I took a few breaths.  Here is the  mantra that I repeated while breathing deeply;

"Love in, anger out, love in, anger out, love in, anger out, love in, anger out, love in, anger out, love in, anger out, love in, anger out."

As I breathed in I thought of all if the beautiful things about her.  She is so sweet.  So talented.  So loving.  So kind.  So generous.  A good mother.  A good friend.  Her sexy voice and beautiful skin.

I called her and apologized for having this conversation over text message.  And then I asked her what was going on in her life.  As she explained, my heart poured open allowing myself to feel her current anxiety.  I could clearing see how my demands felt cold and selfish.

I clearly communicates my deep empathy and validated her point of view - authentically!

We came to a solution and I feel more connected to her now than I did before this experience.

Generosity in relationships is a funny thing, it always comes back to bond you!!!  What can you do in your relationships to add love?

Community : Generosity

Of course there are the obvious generous acts that are awesome that you can do for your community.  Feed the homeless.  Volunteer at the children's shelter.  Sing at a retirement home.  All noble, all valid.  But you don't have to commit hours to give back.

Being a contribution to the success of another is also a wonderful act of generosity.  Today, it is +Gary Vaynerchuk's birthday.  He has been an incredible generous man to many, including me, by having +CHOCbite on his very popular +WineLibraryTV show in New Jersey.  See the episode here:

What can I do for this sweet man?  Well, I can support his upcoming book release of  "Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook". 

What can you do to add to the success of someone in your community? 

Sexuality : Tenacity

What would be a tenacious action around your sexuality?  Well, for one, taking control of your own orgasm.  Yes, that is right, you are responsible for turning yourself on.

In the book "The Four Hour Body" by the famous +Tim Ferriss he talks about another book by author +Nicole Daedone called: "Slow sex: the art of the female orgasm."

Her company, One Taste, based out of San Francisco, is committed to enlivening the OM community, two people at a time.

In the book is a 15 minutes "Orgasmic Meditation" which is a specific system of meditation that includes two people and one clit.  With a consistent practice, it has been noted that the after-OM effects are an opening of the heart and feeling connected with humankind. 

What tenacious actions can you take to make sure that your body is awake and ready for orgasm?

Friend + Family Relationships : Generosity

If you were spending time with your loved ones, and you were coming from a place of only pure love, how would that affect your behavior towards them?  Would you be sitting there listening and tutting or rolling your eyes?  I don't think so!  What about disagreeing with their point of view?  Is that necessary   How about using the old psychology system of:

Mirror

Validate

Empathize

If someone is speaking they don't just want to be listened to, they want to be heard.  What is the difference?  A pure genuine curiosity to understand where they are coming from, how they are viewing the situation and that there view and experience is completely valid.  That is how connection is created, by two people really feeling each other.  

Does that mean that you have to agree with everything everyone else believes?  Of course not!  But how about trying to step into their shoes and see why they see it that way?  How about accepting that we are all on our own individual journey's and therefore will learn our lessons at different rates and speeds?  How about letting them know that you love them no matter what the filter they see the world through!

I absolutely love this quote:

Now, go and practice unconditional and generous love!

Mental Attitude : What is success?

I think that we can all agree that HAPPINESS is extremely important.  When it comes to mental attitude, how can we stay focused on a blissful and exciting life?

Tenacity:  Determining with clarity what causes happiness for you as it is a very individual experience.  Have a positive mental attitude plan to implement into your life.  Take a good look at the things that don't make you happy as well an try to eliminate them as much as possible.  There are many books on happiness, this is one that I love:

Generosity:  Now it's time to use things that please you and raise your spirits!  These are acts of generosity for your community or for yourself.  These build memories and bring a smile to your face!  Here are some of mine:

1.  Go to a comedy show for some laughs
2.  Anonymously pay for someones lunch/tea
3.  Walk up to a stranger and give them an authentic compliment
4.  Write a heart felt note to a friend

The most important thing to note is that you have total control over your mental attitude.  You can translate every experience the way you choose to!  Be causative in your happiness!  Life is so  much more fun that way!

Health : Generosity

The most important thing about your own personal health as far as refueling your body (generosity) is to listen to what makes your body feel good.  There are so many eating theories available to try, and what I have noticed is that some diets work great for some and other diets for others!

Take notes on how food makes you feel after you eat it, and several hours later.  Is it nourishing you?  Filling you up?  Do you feel energized for several hours?  Clarity can only be gained after analysis.  

I have tried going vegetarian, vegan, no carbohydrates, gluten free, low calorie, low fat and also raw!  The diet that serves my body best is a Macrobiotic lifestyle.  The premise of this nutritional plan is that your body stays balanced with Yin and Yang (acidic and alkaline) so that it is in a neutral state.

What sorts of foods are generous to your health?

Tenacity versus Generosity

How do we distinguish what a tenacious or generous act is?  Well, first, we must imagine our bodies as engines.  In order to generate energy (action) we must fuel it.  Take a look at this diagram:

However, the important thing is to get extremely honest and present to which is which for YOU.  It is imperative to set your intentions correctly as something that is generous for one person may be tenacious for another.  As an example, having a manicure done:  

What you need to determine is how does it feel?  Are you rushing to just get them done for a result?  If you feel like to are expending energy by making the appointment, going to it and feeling urgent in the appointment then it is a "list" item, then that is definitely tenacity.

If, however, you make the nail appointment and are excited about it, you sit in the chair enjoying the massage and having the human connection and interaction with your nail tech, then it would be an act of generosity, something that fills you up and gives you the energy to go and do something tenacious!

The reason to fill yourself back up is that you won't be attached to the outcome of the action.  You are rewarding yourself for doing it therefore eliminating the need to have expectations of the energy coming back from that source.  

Would doing your nails be a tenacious or generous action for you?

Clear your "head" cupboard : Spirituality

With all the e-mail, text and voice mail traffic I get daily it is tough to have space in my mind!  There is a constant barrage of information coming through my eyes as well from social media.  And then there is the voice inside my head too - she is also very noisy!

In order to achieve a state of calm serenity, I start my day with a meditation.  For several months I have used +Deepak Chopra but I have now found a new guided 10 minute one:

http://www.getsomeheadspace.com/

The clearing of the noise is imperative to allow for creativity and connection with your own intuition.  When I am in a state of peace I make better decisions for myself.  Also, life is more fun too!

A daily practice of 10 minutes has done wonders for me!  How long do you have quiet time for daily?

Contribution to Others : Mental Attitude

On a daily basis, we all do many things to contribute to others.  Maybe pick something up for a stranger.  Or smile at a pedestrian.  Or give advice to a friend.  Or help a colleague at work.  Yes, they are little things, but paying attention to these things can contribute to your overall happiness and attitude. 

I used to have a the words "I approve of myself!" written on my bathroom to read every morning whilst brushing my teeth. 

It did feel good to read it every morning - however - it was not convincing.  In order to love myself I needed something more.

When I draw focus to the good deeds that I have done during the day I fall asleep with a smile on my face.  I get reassured that I am indeed a good person which adds to my self confidence and self love.  Getting present with who you are when no one is watching is a fabulous way to increase self worth.

So, added to my daily Tenacity + Generosity = SUCCESS sheet, I put:

My Contribution to Others Today

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

It really feels wonderful to see on paper at least 7 of the sweet things that I did for other people.  What did you do today to contribute to others?

Gratitude List : Mental Health

One of the 13 areas of life, and perhaps one of the most important in my view is Mental Health.  It is easy to forget to apply the formula for SUCCESS which is:

Tenacity + Generosity

One of the easiest ways to become or stay happy is by writing a daily gratitude list.  I complete mine at the end of the evening before going to bed.  It is a simple list:

Things that I am grateful for TODAY:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

I try to be very specific.  Something that I appreciate that happened today.  Not the general things like "my Grandma".  Now, if I had seen my Grandma that day and we had a loving or fun interaction, I may write "watching Grandma dance at the Halloween event in West Hollywood!"

Yes, that is my 84 year old Grandma on the left, and her care giver on the right, dancing to a DJ!  This moment is priceless.

As you write this daily Gratitude list, you will notice yourself searching for things to be grateful for throughout the day, which in turn automatically has you looking through rosier filters!

What do you have to be grateful for today?

SWEET day L.A. : Community + Contribution

If you have friends around you that volunteer and give back to their community you will see the joy it brings to their lives as well as the unity it creates.  On May 4th, 2013 in Los Angeles, 100+ people joined with me to create www.SWEETdayLA.com This was the SWEETest event ever! 

Local business owners contributed money to sponsor a +CHOCbite for each and every homeless person.  We visited shelter in downtown as well as handed the sweet treats to homeless men and women on the streets too.

The generosity of the volunteers was returned 1,000 fold by the smiles, laughs, connection and love that we all felt during the day.

Each little chocolate has a little "bite" out of it.  I offered one of the homeless men white, milk or dark.  He said, "dark of course, it is better for your health" and thanked me as he walked away.  Before I knew it he came running back and said, "wait, who bit this?  Who bit this?" staring at the bite out of the chocolate, and I replied, "Why yes, I bit it!" to which he replied, "Oh, okay!" and then he popped the candy in his mouth and smiled.  We all laughed.

 

 

It is imperative for complete happiness to have love for all of mankind.  What act of generosity can you do TODAY to improve the life of someone in your community?

 

 

And remember to always stay sweet (it is a choice, no matter what)!

Expensive Versus Cheap : Personal Care

I am a luxury Woman.  Known to many as "Queen Adeline", and the owner of the most luxurious chocolate company +CHOCbite obviously indicates a woman of exquisite taste.  I definitely take care of myself like royalty.  My hair is blown out and shiny.  My skin exfoliated and moisturized and therefore always soft.

However let me tell you that the best goods for personal care are not always the most expensive!  Case in point: cotton pads.  Also known as "cotton rounds" or "makeup remover pads" - these little white puffs can be used for a variety of useful things including, but not limited to, removing nail polish, cleaning a wound or stubborn mascara!

I have normally purchased the expensive, padded, stitched and thick pads (really did I need the Organic one for $1 more???).  The "name" brand.  After an encounter with it's cheap cousin, I realized that I use less nail polish remover as the thinner and counterpart is much less absorbent, allowing me to effectively remove the color with ease!  The least expensive product in this category is the better choice.

As the name brand consumer goods are being ripped off by the supermarket chains with their in house names (365™ Every Day Value for Whole Foods™, Value Brand™ for Wal-Mart™) you can discern whether you truly need to pay more to get a more efficient product.

The moral of the story is: cheaper is sometimes better - so don't fall prey to marketing ploys, make conscious choices when consuming - especially in the area of personal care!