The season of (for) giving.

Buying gifts can be an easy way out.  It can provide temporary happiness or a short term repair to a relationship.  It can be a fast way to pretend you care or are a nice person.  Maybe you are being dutiful, or maybe you want to look good to others, or maybe you think you are getting a gift so you just feel obligated to give one too.  It is possible that you are gifting out of true love and unconditional sweetness, and if that's the case then that is awesome.

What I have noticed in my own life is that people want to be:

- seen
- truly heard
- understood
- felt for
- and forgiven

We are all human and we all make mistakes.  To me, love and compassion as well as releasing past transgressions (real or imagined) can be the finest gift of all.  To look lovingly at your loved ones, and to be completely present is the biggest present!

So, this holiday season, take a shot at FORgiving as well as giving!  

And while you are at it, perhaps try on forgiving yourself too!

Finding the middle.

This decade, the forties, have definitely been the best of my life.  There are so many things that I learned, about myself and others that are now serving me.

My youth and teenage years are a complete blur.  I moved from America to England practically every year, going to 10+ schools.

In my twenties I moulded to others needs and desires so that I would be liked.  I agreed with everyone around me as to how or what to do and became pray to bullies and dominators.  

In my thirties I went all the way the other side!  I was overly self expressed and pushy.  It was my way or the highway for most of those years.  I had no ability to understand another's point of view.

When I turned 40, not only do I know my own opinion, but I also realise that someone else's polar opposite opinion can also be just as valid, from the context they are standing on.  That I get to choose whom I spend my time with and who I delete from my life.  That as long as my preferences are being actualised from a place of deep knowing and not from fear or external persuasion, that I can choose whatever I want for myself.  

Now, I look younger, am happier and sweeter for sure!  Since I have been living "in the flow" from my "knowing" - life is abundant and fun.  And the more quiet time I allow in my life (meditating, walking in nature or journalling), the deeper I hear my internal voice.

Do you say NO a lot?

I have noticed myself saying "No" a lot lately.  So I thought about it, why am I doing this?  Here is what I came up with:

- out of fear (of getting hurt, of trying something new, losing control)
- out of wanting my way (or the highway)
- to be right (my point of view not yours)
- to get you back (you said no to me remember?)

Well, I don't want to do that anymore.  I am proclaiming a new way of being for me, and perhaps you too?  A simple strategy:

It's time to say YES!

Yes to life.
Yes to your friends.
Yes to your family.
Yes to your partner.
Yes to your kids.
Yes to your co-workers.
Yes to your country.
Yes to the world!

Maybe it's time to take responsibility for your happiness.  

Say YES to healthy eating habits.
Say YES to being a contribution to your community.
Say YES to being kind to your family.
Say YES to your lover.
Say YES to personal growth.
Say YES to meditation.
Say YES to your boss.
Say YES to your savings account.
Say YES to your social life.
Say YES to keeping your home tidy.
Say YES to staying turned on.
Say YES to taking care of your body (inside and out).
Yes YES to being HAPPY!

Every NO that you say will have a direct and equal NO given back to you from the world!  The more you flow with life, swim with the tide and be kind and light, the more life will deliver abundance and sweetness.

It's the season for giving.  The season for opening your heart.  The season for generosity.  The season for love.

Forgive yourself.  Forgive others.  Just be a YES from now on!

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES 

You don't need to say it!

I used to be a professional poker player.  That is, I derived my income from playing at the tables of Commerce Casino, Bicycle Club, Hawaiian Gardens, Crystal Park and later on in Vegas as Bellagio, Palms, Mirage and Binions too!  It was an interesting time in my life.  One of deep study of human nature!

My mathematical background was definitely useful in the game of poker, but, by far, it was my ability to see patterns in human behavior and feel the temperature of the table that enabled me to win over and over again.

The more you put yourself out there at the table, the more information you are giving to your opponents.  If you talk, move around, eat, drink or have any type of twitch, every little things is a "tell".  It is a revealing piece of information that helps the professionals understand who you are and therefore how you play. 

Your words and your actions determine who you are at the poker table.

This is the same in life, you can think whatever you want!  You can wish death on someone, but it is when you say it out loud that you are now effecting those around you.  Your action or inaction can cause pain, but thoughts alone are harmless.  You have had people say, "fake it until you make it", well, that means however you mad you are at your friend, partner or family member, if you just "act" happy, loving and generous, you will actually get there.  Because words and actions are way more powerful than thoughts.  I wholeheartedly dissagree with the assertion that "it's the thought that counts"! Or another one that I hear often is, "she has such a good HEART"!  That means she is a mean bully but underneath she is kind.  NOPE!!  

Just as like on the poker table, you don't win or lose until you take the chips off of the table - in life, you also can't win or lose until you say it or do it.

So, your words and actions are very powerful, are you going to choose positive or negative today?

Someone asked my how I keep such a good attitude. Another asked me how I keep my skin looking so lovely. And then still another how my eyes always shine.

It's not that my life is always perfect, however in the last 10 years it has considerable changed for the better! I have learned (and am still learning) how to improve my success and happiness in life. After all - everyone around me benefits!

Here are my answers;

1. Emotional: meditate, journal, be kind, serve your family, friends and community. Forgive yourself for your past transgressions. Look for the gift in bad situations.

2. Financial: have savings: spend much less than you earn. NO DEBT!!

3. Environment: surround yourself with family and friends who are sweet and loving. Keep your home, car and office in order. Fix anything that is broken immediately. Donate items that you don't use to clear space!

4. Intellectual: constantly challenge yourself to grow. Read, learn, risk and have fun! Do something every day that is your genius!

5. Mental health: keep an eye on how you treat people and yourself. Learn tools to help you be the observer of your life. Learn to breath deeply. Don't constantly alter your state of being (with alcohol, coffee, TV, sugar or drugs). Take time to unwind in a healthy way.

6. Physical: take a stroll every day. Enjoy nature and you walk. Eat clean (as much as you can)! The brown stuff is "Khichadi" recipe from The Hot Belly book.

Enjoy The Now!

It is wonderful to have goals, aspirations, wishes and dreams but not in the absence of acceptance and gratitude for what currently is!

Sometimes we can get so focused on furthering ourselves (in relationship, with our weight, in our career etc) that we can forget to enjoy today, the present.

For instance, you can want a raise and do the actions that it will take to attain that while at the same time having deep gratitude for your job.  It would be a mistake to treat people at work badly until you got paid more as in the end you will end up feeling terrible at work!

In many of the personal development courses that I have studied, they do tend to focus on what needs "fixing". Looking at what's missing all the time can be very depressing indeed.

Another more positive way to approach life is celebrating what's working!!! What's awesome?  What is exciting?  And the things that aren't working can also have a "gift" inside. How about looking at it from another angle?  Is there a context or perspective that could shift your view on this situation?

You can be happy right now.

Happiness is available right now!

In the past I believed that happiness was a pursuit.  Something to be achieved by trying.  A feeling that I could get if I took action towards it.  It was a goal to be push to and it was always in the future.

I could get it for a bit, an hour or day, but it wasn't a deep sustained blissfulness that I was looking for.

Now I know that happiness is a choice.  It is here.  It is now.  And I can pick it no matter what is going on.  That's right, I am 100% responsible for my happiness!  Isn't that great?

So, now I have this information, how can I implement it?

Example 1:

My Grandmother is suffering from Dementia.  It is a terrible thing to experience someone that you love going through that.  She gets so frustrated because she can't do simple things anymore because she simply forgot how.  How can I access happiness during these times with her?  I think of the great memories and then remind her.  Of her tennis days.  Of her beautiful garden.  Of the current blessings in her life and then her focus (and mine) shifts to the beautiful things still left instead of the annoying things.

Example 2:

When I am having to do a chore that I don't enjoy (like cleaning my house), I put some great music on, a splash of yummy perfume and dance around doing the work to make it FUN.  I don't have to walk around and be grumpy about it.  

Example 3:

My Range Rover broke down and had a need for a very costly repair.  I could have been all angry, disappointed and walked into the tow truck and the garage with that attitude, or instead, just be light and happy.  I was joking around with the driver and then the owner of the garage, and now I am best friends with her!  I cooked her this lovely dinner the other night.

Don't wait for happiness.  CHOOSE IT RIGHT NOW!!

How much money do you have?

I don't measure my success anymore by how many dollars I have in the bank.

In my 20's, my happiness which was temporary was mostly derived from what kind of car I drove, what label clothes I was wearing, and how much money I got to splash around.  

In my 30's, it was still time of looking good I wanted my husband to be dressed uber nicely. I wanted to have a big fancy house with expensive furniture. 

Now I am in my 40's things have changed.

Last week I was having a conversation with a man and we were talking about how I've made millions of dollars in my life!  This person said, "oh but you have nothing to show for it!" (He was referring to the fact that I don't have millions of dollars in the bank).  I was perplexed by his comments because on the contrary I have so much to show for it!!! The fabric of my life has been incredibly rich. And now I know that it is the memories of sacred times with my friends my family and being a contribution that are the real dollars in the bank. 

When I am old those are the moments I will think about not the Gucci bag that I owned. There is nothing wrong with desiring beautiful things, I still drive a nice car. I still have nice clothes. However, my true bliss comes from intimate or fun moments that I spend with my loved ones.

Remember to cherish your time above your money!

Make the most of it.

I love playing tennis.  

In order to improve my game, once in a while I take lessons.  Sometimes they are private lessons and sometimes they are group.

Not too long ago, my girlfriend and I took a lesson with to other ladies.  Our coach had us doing various drills against each other to practice doubles strategy.  It was a very hot day.  

After emptying a big basket of balls - it was time to pick up.  However the other ladies just went in the shade, took a sip of their water and chatted instead of helping.

My first and instant reaction was, "Hey, what's going on here?  I am not your servant!  Pull your weight too!!"  (Thank goodness this all happened in my head and not out loud).  But very quickly I took a different turn in my thinking.  Here is where I went, "I am not that hot, I am healthy and strong and I would be HAPPY to pick all these balls up!  And I will use this time to stretch my legs out too while picking them up while my muscles are warm!"  

Suddenly this SHIFT IN THOUGHT had me ecstatically retrieving the fuzzy yellows.

Being the master of your mind is imperative to achieve deep and lasting happiness.  So choose sweet!

A Conversation With My Deeper Self

Last night, I was lying in bed, just slowing my thoughts down to go to sleep and I felt a "presence" there.  like I wasn't alone, life a kind energy was with me.

I said "Hello?".  She responded "Hello darling!" back.  I paused.  Who was I talking to?  

And then I asked her a series of questions. 

"How are you?  Fabulous."

"What are you up to?  I am just here, always."

"Do you sleep when I sleep?  No, I am very energetic and don't need to recharge."

"Do you get scared?  No!  I am pure light and in that can be no darkness (fear)"

"Or angry!  No!  I am at peace!"

"So you are not happy either?  I am BLISSFUL!"

"What does that word mean to you?  Bliss means above happiness with a complete sense of loving peace."

"I want to be that way too!  You can - you have access to it through me.  Just get out of your head - it doesn't exist there."

"Do you see my dreams?  No - they are in your head."

"How do I get closer to you?" 

- Be sweet no matter what

- Love yourself (all parts of you)

- Contribute to your friends, family and community

- Share you individual genius as generously as possible

- Have loads of contemplative quiet time
- Get back in touch with lost friends and family

- Fuel your body with clean water and whole foods

- Be peaceful with the world

- Have some rigorous physical activity daily
- Stay open minded and hearted always

- Complete with anyone that you have harmed or that you feel has harmed you

- Have goals but release attachments to attaining them

- Finish projects

- Get comfortable with the unknown, you are out of control anyway

- Keep am organized and clean home

- Be in awe of nature

- Be extremely compassionate with yourself and others too

- Find the gift in all situations, there always is one

- Be powerfully gentle

"You are an incredible Woman Adeline.  I have been here with you since you were inside your Mummy's tummy.  I have seen all that you have been through and who you are from the inside out."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Why Can't We Just Be Happy Together?

Have you noticed that many times we pick a partner to date who is the complete opposite of us in many ways?  And how at the beginning we find those differences attractive and exciting but shortly after we start picking on them for those very things?

For instance a person that is super fun, spontaneous and playful may not be quite as serious, organized and reliable.

Is the point of relationship to heal and love those very areas that we may try to change in our partner?

With my current knowledge I have figured out that happiness is a choice and so it bratty-ness.  That in each moment I can choose to be compassionate and loving or complain and hateful. 

It's always better to choose LOVE!

So with my end goal of having a blissful life in my mind - I must always choose the reaction that supports living in an ecstatic and vibrant  relationship!

Not easy of course - but super simple.  So I am taking one small step at a time to correct my automatic behaviors.

1.  When I get "triggered" I will politely step away from the situation.

2.  I will observe my translations of what happened.

3.  I will ask myself is this really true for now or am I bringing a past wounding or future fear to this moment?

4.  I will breath deeply with negativity being exhaled and "bliss" being inhaled.

5.  I will re-choose LOVE instead.

6.  I will have great compassion for my own journey too!

What can you choose to let go of today?

Be the Director of Your Own Mind

The moment that I realized that I could actually CHOOSE what to believe and how to react was shortly after completing the Landmark Education Forum Class.  I slowly began to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for my own experience of life and the affect that I was having on others.

It is incredible when you get the distinction of getting to "be right" by gathering evidence for your own agenda, or instead being open to another's way of seeing things.  We all come at an issue with our own filters and past experiences, so the truth looks one way to one person and an entirely different way to another.  And most of the time neither really have the full truth, just their interpretations using their experiences as the backdrop.

I still can't do it immediately after being triggered and in an emotional state, but, with a little time, I can distinguish that someones words or actions were just harmless and the meaning I was giving to those words is what was painful.  

It is easier to start with a Witness to help you with this.  They are like training wheels until you are able to do this alone.  Discuss out loud what someone said to you, and then what you translated that to mean.  And keep a sense of humor, don't beat yourself up, we all do it!

So next time you feel angry, fearful or hurt, try to put yourself in their shoes and think of a positive and good reason why they could have said that to you!

What a difference a choice makes!

My PHONE and COMPUTERS are OFF for MOST OF THE DAY every day! Isn't that just AWESOME?

Also, I don't have CABLE TV.

I actually have real conversations IN PERSON!

I make MY OWN experiences on the tennis court, having lunch, going to the park, doing community service, on the golf course, at the gym, in a coffee shop, grocery shopping etc, and DON'T need to watch TV to be entertained!

I am NOT an ER doctor and that text, ping, FB post or VM can WAIT until I have some time to give attention to it.

I don't need to document every fun time on Instagram!

(Camel Ride with my Daddy)

Oh and I don't need to go partying with intensely loud music and loads of alcohol to have a good time!

My life is peaceful and beautiful and I am SO VERY GRATEFUL for it!

Not too long ago my life was just the opposite of this. I had 2 mobiles, 2 cars, was on the computer all the time and watched 6+ hours of TV a DAY!

It just goes to show you, you don't have to wait for the New Year, or the new month, or Monday, or even tomorrow to make a change in your life to increase your happiness! 

In this moment, what is one thing that you can do to make your life better?

Fake It Until You Make It!

I have realized that I am able to trick myself into enjoying things that I have to do.  This mind set serves me very well!  Over time, I have become happier and happier.  And when you are happy, the people around you become happier, and are nicer to you too, making you even happier.  Daily life becomes much more fun with a positive and optimistic attitude.  

As an example, we all have to brush our teeth, and do laundry, and drive in traffic.  Why not make it FUN?

How about doing a happy dance when you are brushing your teeth?

Or putting music on and singing while doing laundry?

Or making eye contact and smiling to people in other cars in traffic?  Or noticing the beautiful buildings, sky and trees?

Even when something sad happens, like losing a pet, you can turn that sadness to happiness by making a scrap book of photos and writing down all the happy memories you had with him.

This acceptance of all that is.  A consciousness that "LIFE is right" - instead of ME being right!  An understanding that all that happens is for the collective higher good.

So now as I go about my day, I am SWEET!  (Because I can)!!

A better relationship with myself

Getting things on the schedule is the first step to doing what you need to do, but for me, I have noticed that putting things on my calender is not enough.

I need a better relationship with MYSELF!  For example, if I have an appointment with a friend I will not cancel it.  If I make a promise to cook dinner for my Grandma I will do it.  If I agree to pick up the dry cleaning for my boyfriend, I take care of it.

But, I don't have the same commitment to myself.  I have noticed that I put yoga on the calender and just don't go.  I decide to cook myself healthful foods but I don't.  I have errand to do but I get lazy and don't do them.

My honesty and reliability to myself is EVEN MORE important than the one to others.  After all, keeping my agreements to others helps me LOOK GOOD, but being faithful to myself makes me FEEL GOOD.

For true and deep happiness, I will start treating myself even better than I treat others.  Here is my first step - yummy fresh nourishing food!

What energizes you?

It's good to take inventory of all the things that make you feel wonderful! When life is feeling a little tough, it may be difficult to access your happy place, so have the list handy to pick from!  Here are some of mine!

Writing in my journal.  

Writing gratitude list for all of my blessings.  

Yoga. 

Meditating.  

Having a coaching or healing call.  

Reading.  

Writing a list of my contribution to others.  

Cooking.

Having tea with a friend.  

Shopping at the local farmers market.  

Beach walking.  

Talking with a friend.  

Going on holiday.  

Trying new things (hobbies, sports, foods).  

Taking a warm Jacuzzi.  

Playing with a dog.  

Sewing. 

Eat a piece of CHOCbite. 

Making jewelry.  

Eating small portions of whole foods.  

Drinking lots of water.

Buying a gift for a loved one - just because.  

Getting a massage.  

Listening to loud music. 

Reading my birthday love notes (I asked my friends to write them to me for my 40th last year).  

Volunteering by helping others in need.  

Singing.  

Writing thank you notes.  

Waking up early after sleeping 8 hours. 

Doing something nice and unexpected for a friend or stranger.

Calling a friend for no reason other than to tell them I love them.

Read inspirational blogs.

Hand writing a letter.
Playing tennis!

Make sure to make it a SWEET day today!

Note to MYSELF!

It is your responsibility to bring yourself happiness.  To find good friends.  To be grateful.  To be kind.  To be thoughtful.

Whatever is going on in your life know that you are the cause of it.  Good or bad - you can choose to embrace experiences, learn and grow from them or instead you can be resentful, bitter and blaming.

The good news is that whatever has happened before, any experiences or habits that you didn't like are now in the past.  You have the opportunity to let go of it and now focus on the present.  Take time to be conscious that you are not making decisions based on fear because of previous experiences.  Just because you needed to protect before doesn't necessarily mean to need to again. 

Be a YES!  Be fun!  Be open!  

Connect with others in a way that they feel safe and loved!  Question constantly - don't always "know" the answer.  Be fluid. 

When you feel hurt, forgive easily.  Be compassionate with yourself and others.  Play the game of live with fullness and vigor! 

And every day, in every way, be sweet.  To yourself and others.

Who to go to when you need to solve a problem?

I have learned that what makes a great coach is not:

- some one who has got it down perfectly
- a person that looks great on camera
- the best story teller or
- has a sweet demeanor

Instead, a fantastic leader is able to:

- help you illuminate YOUR truth
- give you the confidence to ACT on it!
- help you stay motivated by REWARDING yourself (so that you are not attached to the "having")

So, knowing this, choose wisely.  If you want to lose weight and you have a skinny coach - she may just push her agenda of how she lost it onto you versus really helping you see that YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS that you need!!

How Often Are You Grateful For Your Breath?

Probably the most important thing in life is breath.  But we often take it for granted, until we are short of it, and then we appreciate it.

Do you ever sit and just take breath deep breaths and feel gratitude for it?  It seems silly but it is very powerful indeed. 

- Sit comfortably with your back supported
- Close your eyes
- Take a deep breath into your nose
- Notice how it feels to breathe
- Allow your stomach to expand with the breath entering
- Feel deep gratitude for your ability to breath

and then on the way out

- Part your mouth 
- Let the breath out
- Push all of it out from deep down
- Let go of all negativity in each exhale

Whatever is going on, as long as you have breath and can be deeply grateful for it, you can always access happiness!

Have an attitude of gratitude for all the precious things in your life!

Wherever You Go : There You Are!

There is a fantastic book for understanding meditation called "Wherever you go there you are!" - you can buy it here.

I only started meditating regularly about a year ago.  The results of this mostly daily practice have been astounding.  I have now included in my program: "Tenacity + Generosity = Success" too.  

At first I was very confused about the reasons for meditating.  Why was I just sitting there for 20 minutes not talking with my eyes closed in a weird position?  But as the days went by and I became more and more conscious I realized the power of meditation.

Becoming the observer of your thoughts, instead of being all encompassed by them is a powerful tool.  If you feel completely attached to every opinion that passes through life can be very painful.  This emotion can drastically effect how you eat, spend money and a whole host of other "running away from your pain" responses.  After all, if you are feeling fear or regret and you can notice it and release it, versus going and having drinks, eating cake, smoking pot or buying new clothes, then you aren't being driven by your ego.

For me, I learned that being indulgent and generous with treating myself is notably different from having to have something to sooth myself.  And in the daytime when aggravating things happen, I quickly resume to happiness without the use of exterior crutches.

It's been truly amazing to slowly get more intentional about my habits and their effects on my general happiness in the long term instead of just a temporary fix!

Meditating daily is a vital part of my state of bliss.  Thank you so very much Grace Quantock for leading me to it!  If you would like to lead a more blissful life too, please book an appointment with Grace here.

And remember to make every day SWEET as you can truly choose!

Now is the Time to Re-commit to Giving!

Give First.  Give Second.  Give Again.

Open your heart and arms to be generous.  Giving feels good.  Showing love and kindness will also improve your happiness too.

I know - we have all been hurt by someone that we gave to.  It may have made us contract a little, but it's time to expand again!  By being stingy ultimately we are hurting only ourselves.

It's time to forgive those people for taking advantage of you.  They did the best that they could in that moment.  It's time to remember how wonderful it feels to allow giving actions, words and thoughts to flow through us.  It's time to return to your state of connection to all people on earth. 

Whatever it takes - do it now.  We have the power to step outside our comfort zone and be extraordinarily sweet to those around us.

Love deeply.  Smile wildly.  Give freely. 

Thank you for staying open and generous with your love!

A little reminder: Be KIND to YOURSELF!

Do you know that how you speak to yourself is just as important as how you treat others?

In your mind are you:

- beating yourself up?

- judging yourself?

- lying to yourself?

If you can replace the negative thought patterns with compassion and forgiveness you happiness level will increase dramatically!

Take some time to notice your self chatter throughout the day.  What are the filters that you are relating through?  Can you shift out and say an "I AM" statement instead?  Something like:

- I AM happy

- I AM doing the best that I can

- I AM accepting

You are the conductor of your own brain - choose wisely!

Generosity in the Community

My team of lovely volunteers and I just got through with handing out thousands of CHOCbites to the homeless of downtown L.A. In my 2nd annual SWEET day L.A. Event

It was a very rewarding indeed.  Connecting with the fellow members of our community in a sweet way!

But being a contribution to you community doesn't have to be a big charitable commitment.  In fact the small daily activities are much more impact full when combined! 

Slow down and allow a car to squeeze in front of you.  This simple act of generosity can make someone's day!  Write a note of thanks on the waiters receipt.  Compliment a stranger on their clothing choices.  Put a quarter in an expired meter as you walk by.  

There are millions of ways to be a delicious contribution to your community that don't involve hours of dedication.  Just make a daily effort to be unconditionally kind.  For no reason at all.  Other than the fact that they are a piece of you too.

Spreading sweetness all day will also make you feel good too!!!

It's your life: OWN it!

It's my life, it's my journey, it's my decision - why not choose happy?  

I have been outsourcing my state of being to other "experts" for years. Coaching programs for personal development, skinny friends on health, married friends on relationships, yogis on spiritual health and of course Google for everything else.  Basically, anything to avoid taking personal responsibility for my happiness!

You see, when I am reading someone else's book, or asking my friends for advice, it can augment my decision making process, but the final truth resides inside of me.  Looking outside for others to save me is just a temporary and unsuitable fix.  It is a form of avoidance that can be extremely dangerous to feeling good.  After all, who knows me better than I do?

And there is another issue with not being in touch with or trusting my own intuition, wisdom and knowledge, that is, losing confidence and pride in my own abilities!  This is the worse part of it.  Feeling powerless in my own life is destructive and depressing!  Feeling like I need someone else to solve my problems is a terrible feeling.  

I tend to lean to others for decisions when I am in fear.  And if I am feeling scared, then I am clearly attached to the outcome of my decisions, instead of being steadfast in enjoying the journey of life.  Fear is a clue that I am out of alignment with being present and committed.  If I am feeling a sense of weakness in my decisions, then I need to get centered and notice why!

I love this mantra, "I am willing and capable of caring for myself spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially!"

Tennis is a game. And so is LIFE!

Life can be a fun game - if you allow it to be.  And yes, sometimes you lose and sometimes you win!  The key is how you process and enjoy it!

I often use the tennis court as an opportunity to grow as a woman - after all it is a mini version of life!  All of the experiences that I have and my responses are concentrated and condensed scenes that also happen off the court! 

As an example, recently I played an mixed doubles tournament (this is where there is one man and one woman on each side).  Our opponents were very good doubles players.  The man had hard and deep groundstrokes and the lady basically didn't miss!  She could return my partners serve without a problem - often doing a perfect lob over my head!

I missed a few shots and my partner missed a few shots too- it was a tough match!  After losing the first set I asked to switch playing sides with my partner.  He said no.  I asked if I could stay back in order to be able to play those lobs better - he declined again.  He didn't want to change one thing about our strategy he just kept saying "hit your shots".

Well - of course at this point I realized that I am never playing with this guy again.  He was completely inflexible and stuck in his ways.  He had no consideration for making me feel safe and confident on the court so that I could play better.  He was more focused on sighing and rolling his eyes when I missed a shot.

But this was not the lesson.  The lesson was how I responded to him.  I had choices on the court with my behavior.  I am responsible for my actions!  Here are a few options that I could do in this moment:

- stay focused on the game and do my best while complying to my partners request

- ignore his needs and do what I thought was right

- be all buddy buddy with the opponents to upset my partner

- be rude to my partner

- purposely make mistakes to lose faster

- sigh and roll my eyes when he hit into the net

There is no right or wrong answer per se - but there is cause and effect.  Other than the first one - the rest are going to aggravate my partner further  which will have him play worse.  So - for my best interest and for my own self respect - I went ahead and complied and we completed the match.

We lost in a third set tiebreaker when my partner double faulted and then gave up on an "easy" lob shot (which is what he called them yet he missed many of them too).

I was glad that they won when my partner defaulted the next match because of his disappointment in the loss - he was a very bad sportsman.

Sure my feelings were hurt when he was attributing the loss to my bad playing - however hurt feelings are not an excuse to hurt others.  I do not agree with the "eye for an eye" theory.  In fact - the more hurt that you feel - the greater the opportunity to be sweet anyway.  If someone is being unkind to me - they must have a terrible life and really need the most sympathy and kindness of all.

The moral of the story is not to make sure you pick the best partner to play with - it's knowing how to respond in an appropriate fashion when your match is in jeopardy.  Not too long ago I would have dumped the match to punish my partner back for being blaming.  This is huge progress for me to be able to truly focus and play the best I could in this situation.

And these moments of small incremental self awareness and growth are the things that make you have deeper understanding and self love!  And self love is the seed of loving others!

So, don't judge yourself by how you behave on the court when you win, look at the times when you lose and that is your entry to correcting, learning and growing.  Wisdom is born from pivoting while being kind to yourself for the past.  

Think before you speak!

I am sure that you have heard this old adage, "Think BEFORE you SPEAK!"  Great advice right?  Wait!  But think WHAT?

Just think and then speak?  Well no.

Before you part your lips, remember this, you can never take back what you say.  You say it, and it's out, like chocolate sprinkles poured out from a tub onto the counter, no amount of hard work could undo all of the spill.

So, before you speak, perhaps consider:

• Is what you are saying to hurt another?
• Are you gossiping?
• Will your words add value or be a contribution?
• Are you talking to manipulate a situation?
• Are you just trying to prove that you are right?
• Will your sentence improve upon the silence?
• Are you sure that you want to say that?
• Do you really mean it?
• If it was printed on the first page of the newspaper as a quote would you stand behind it?  Be proud of it?

Remember, that what you say not only affects the people around you, but when you are home at night, just before you sleep, you will know if you were sweet today!!!!

Maybe you don't have all the information?

Have you ever been behind a car and getting impatient, maybe even honking at them, and then been embarrassed because there was someone crossing in front of them that you didn't see?

Or have you ever quickly judged the behavior of a stranger as rude, not knowing that actually they were aloof because of a life circumstance that had them in deep grieving?

Have you argued with a friend not realizing that they were doing something for you out of love and concern?
How about before jumping to conclusions, or getting angry, or disappointed, you have an open mind and try to see from another's point of view?  Maybe even making a preposterous story that would excuse the annoying behavior?

Recently I played singles against a Woman who - after losing 6-1 6-2 against me - made some very rude comments.  I had options:

1.  I could attack her back (this used to be my favorite option)

2.  I could just ignore her but tell everyone about it later (gossiping)

3.  I could ask her why she is speaking to me like that (and get bullied some more)

4.  Or - and this takes work - I could really feel immense love for her - not sympathy but empathy!

In order to be able to stay centered and kind to a bully, I have to go deep and realize that what she is saying to me is not true and I am loved.  And then-

1.  I move into extreme empathy by trying to imagine that these actions right now are not how she really feels about me, but a reflection of how she actually feels about herself.

2.  I forgive myself for the times that I have maybe behaved in the same way. 

3.  I look for the gift in the situation - what can I learn from this exchange?

4.  I release the negative energy by sending love her way.

This practice used to take weeks, and then days, and now it can just minutes!  When I release judgment on how others "should" treat me - and focus on being the best Woman that I can be - life is so much happier.  And for me, being a good human involves:

1.  Loving all parts of myself deeply.

2.  Surrender and allow where possible.

3.  Do what I need to do for success and happiness.

4.  Be kind and gentle with myself and others.

5.  Use experiences to expand and open further!

6.  Be generous with my empathy, time, love and knowledge.

Cheers to self love and loving all other beings too!